But on the home and economic fronts, it is women who are shouldering the bulk of the burden. Between work, childcare, and running a home everyone is spending more time in, many are finding it challenging to cope with new stressors. RELATED: Why Are More Men Than Women Dying From COVID-19? Men have changed a bit in what they’re doing for their home and family, but old-fashioned gender norms mean much of the added tasks during a pandemic have fallen to women, says Jaime Zuckerman, PsyD, a psychologist in private practice in Ardmore, Pennsylvania, whose female clients report feeling overwhelmed and exhausted these past few months.
Women Still Do Much More Work Inside the Home
Research released in May by the nonprofit women’s advocacy group Lean In and SurveyMonkey quantified this pandemic gender gap. Some 3,000 American adults were asked about changes in their day-to-day lives. Among those with full-time jobs, partners, and kids, women report spending an average of seven hours a week more than men on childcare, another seven hours more on housework, and five more caring for elderly or ill relatives — a difference of almost 20 hours per week, or the equivalent of a part-time job. For Black and Latina women, the gender disparity is wider. They report spending up to 12 hours more per week on childcare than even white women, and up to 20 more caring for other relatives. RELATED: Is Coronavirus Anxiety Driving You to Drink?
Single Mothers Are Especially Overworked
Not surprising, the survey found that single moms are doing the most of all. Compared with women overall, single mothers spend an average of seven additional hours a week on childcare, and twice as many hours caring for elderly or sick kin. It’s no wonder that nearly one-third of women working full-time who have partners and children say they are overwhelmed and have more to do than they can handle, a sentiment voiced by only 13 percent of their spouses. Another survey, published the same month in The New York Times by Morning Consult had similar findings. Some 80 percent of women say they’re doing most or all of the housework and overseeing home-schooling, and 70 percent say they’re in charge of their children. By contrast, fewer than one-third of men say they are mostly or fully responsible for childcare. RELATED: How to Build Your Resilience During the COVID-19 Pandemic
Many Men Are Stepping Up — Just Not Enough
In some households, men are stepping up at least somewhat, says Daniel L. Carlson, PhD, associate professor of family and consumer studies at the University of Utah in Salt Lake City. He and his colleagues surveyed more than a thousand U.S. parents when the social isolation began. Their findings, which have not yet been published in an academic journal, show that 45 percent of fathers say they are watching younger children more than previously, and 42 percent claim to be doing more housework. (Interestingly, their spouses didn’t always agree that they are.) Dr. Carlson does see optimism in men doing more than before. “It’s possible that the trend toward equality will persist. We know from research on paternity leave that men do more domestic work when they take time off after the birth of a child, which persists even after they return to their jobs,” he says.
Now a Working and a Stay-at-Home Mom, Thanks to Pandemic
Shawn McDonald is part of a family where the burden has fallen on her, largely because her spouse, who works for a municipality, was deemed an essential worker and has spent long hours outside the house. A high school English and journalism teacher in Cranford, New Jersey, who also oversees the student newspaper, McDonald says that when her job and children’s schools went online, “I became a single, full-time, stay-at-home mom who also has a full-time a job.” Although her life was busy before — two sons, 8 and 5, participate in baseball, soccer, and basketball — she was able to juggle all the balls. Then came the lockdown, and it fell to her to remember when her children needed to be in online lessons, when their homework was due, how and when to suddenly teach her own students online, and help transition the school’s newspaper from print to digital. “The first weeks were absolute chaos,” McDonald recalls. And while it helped that she eventually created a fixed schedule, so she wouldn’t be teaching her class at the same time her little one needed to log on for school, she is still chronically exhausted. RELATED: How to Find Stress Relief and Reduce Stress for Good
Concerns About September School Schedules, Second Wave of Coronavirus Cases
As a teacher, McDonald is fortunate that she and her children will have the summer off, but she already worries about September. Her kids’ school district is talking about a hybrid program, with students going in some days and working online others. “It’s been bad enough being stuck at home doing everything, but once we get back to ‘normal,’ it’s going to be the moms more than dads who can’t go to work when the kids are home,” she says.
Women Bear the Economic Brunt, Too
At least McDonald has a job in the first place. When it comes to unemployment, the pandemic has been especially brutal for women. More than 20 million Americans became unemployed when the lockdowns began. While a small number have been called back, the female unemployment rate is still striking. In May, 11.6 percent of men were unemployed, while 13.9 percent of adult women were, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. This financial burden on women is adding to all the other stressors. The Lean In survey found women are much more likely than men to fret about how they will pay for rent or mortgage, groceries, and other basic needs.
Women of Color Hit Hardest Economically
Black women have the most concern about paying for these necessities, the Lean In survey found. Some 67 percent of these women (versus only 29 percent of white men) worry about paying their rent or mortgage. RELATED: Financial Stress and Wellness: Understanding the Problem That’s because Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC) have been most affected by unemployment, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics: The rate for Hispanic Americans is a whopping 17.6 percent; for Black Americans, 16.8 percent; and Asian Americans, 15 percent. Part of the reason for the disparity, experts say, is that many of the jobs BIPOC women traditionally hold — in retail, hospitality, and government — have been disproportionately affected. Others blame the lack of childcare and support services these women traditionally rely on. As The New York Times noted in an article in early June, with many day care centers and summer camps closed or restricted and grandparents unable to provide a babysitting backstop, some women have had no choice but to give up their job. Meanwhile, women of color who have continued to work may not feel the same economic pain, but they have other concerns. Many work in “essential” jobs outside the home (see chart), putting themselves and their families at greater risk of contracting the coronavirus. RELATED: 40 Self-Care Tips For Being Stuck at Home During the Coronavirus Pandemic
Top Daily Tools for Women to Ease Added Stress
Dr. Zuckerman, who is herself overwhelmed with three young children and a career, says creating a schedule each day, as McDonald did, is a crucial tool for de-stressing. As you check off each item, she says, there’s an internal sense of mastery, which improves your mood. It’s also a way to involve your spouse in more tasks. “When you write down what each person needs to be doing hour by hour, including your children, there’s no ambiguity,” she says, so he may feel more comfortable stepping up. All women, and especially single mothers, need to take as may steps as possible to reduce their stress levels, she says. To reduce your response to new stresses, first, make sure you’re getting enough sleep. This may mean moving your office out of your bedroom so you stop associating your bed with work tasks. RELATED: The Ultimate Diet for Stress Management Take walks around your block, and avoid mindless eating. But this is not the time to start an entirely new exercise routine or novel healthy eating plan, Zuckerman insists. “During times of trauma you shouldn’t introduce things that have a big learning curve, because it just feels more overwhelming,” she says. And if you want your spouse to do more, communicate this more clearly. “I always say assume the person does not understand what you’re saying. So say things slowly, break it down with bullet points, ask them to repeat it back to you,” she suggests.
